Couples Counseling San Francisco

Couples counseling (also called “couples therapy”) can help improve your relationship in a wide range of situations and circumstances. Whether you’re having disagreements on how to move forward in your relationship, are coping with the aftermath of cheating, or finding it difficult to communicate, we can create a space of honest dialogue. There is no guarantee that this work will help you stay together, but almost inevitably it’ll help you understand each other better.

How does couples COUNSELING differ from individual therapy?

The intention of couples therapy is to stay focuseded on improving connection between you and your partner. Your individual challenges may come to the surface, but the discussion will always be related back to what’s important for the relationship. We’ll create a space where both of your voices get to be heard. The goals are always to bring truth and understanding into the connection.

My style of couples COUNSELING.

My unique style of couples therapy combines mindfulness, Nonviolent Communication, connection exercises, and role plays. Ultimately, the work will be specifically catered to you and will arise organically as we spend time together. I believe that when we slow down and create space, the truth will come to the service.

I invite people to show up in therapy in a holistic way. This means we create space for all aspects of yourself to come forth - thought, emotions, somatic sensations, past wounds, future goals, etc. In couples therapy, we’ll do our best to fairly give attention to both you and your partner. And the ultimate goal is to support you and your partner feel more connected.

The specific way that our work will manifest is completely unique to you, based on your specific needs. It will emerge moment to moment. That being said, I’ve done my best to outline some of the specific techniques I use below.

Utilizing Mindfulness in Couples Therapy

The richest connection happens when we get present with each other. For this reason, I often guide couples through mindfulness exercises before we start conversing. From a relaxed and present state, what is most useful to be said/explored can intuitively emerge. Getting into a relaxed and mindful state is often as a stark contrast to agitated or contentious states a couple might be used to.

Mindfulness serves as the foundation of our work together. We can always come back to present-time awareness. And it is from this relaxed and mindful place that we engage and start our work.

Utilizing Nonviolent Communication in Couples Therapy

Nonviolent Communication, a method of communication developed by the late psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, helps facilitate honest and compassionate conversation. Principles include avoiding judgment, interpretation, and demands and focusing the conversation on the individual’s desires, needs, observations, and requests. If you’ve been having trouble communicating with your partner, using Nonviolent Communication can help you effectively communicate the truth of your experience in a way that’s inarguable. You’ll learn to hone in on what’s most important in what your partner is saying as well. You’ll learn to listen in such a way that you’re tune into your partner’s deeper needs. I actually instruct some couples to read chapters from the book Nonviolent Communication as a homework assignment. But more importantly, we’ll put this style of communication into practice in the room. Here’s a link to the book, Nonviolent Communication.: https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Life-Changing-Relationships-ebook/dp/B014OISVU4

Connection Exercises in Couples Therapy

Do you ever feel disconnected from your partner? We can do exercises in session to immediately have you feel more connected with your partner. Exercises are mostly guided conversations, but I may instruct you around eye contact, and in the right circumstances - light physical touch as well. Conversations will be geared towards expressing needs and desires in the moment, and sharing the impact one feels after hearing their partner; these exercises can create an immediate feeling of intimacy.

Role-Playing in Couples Therapy

Oftentimes it’s difficult to fully empathize with what your partner is experiencing. To help with this process, I’ll sometimes guide you into a role play where you get to speak from your partner’s point of view, and they’ll do the same with you. By temporarily switching roles you can get out of your own story, and possibly out of a need to be right or win an argument. Empathy and getting your partner’s world is an essential part of feeling connected and getting along.

What I Help Couples With

Couples come to me with issues such as:    

  • Frustrating communication patterns

  • Broken trust from affairs or other betrayals

  • Sexual difficulties, including not having sex 

  • Parenting conflicts or stress

  • Chronic fighting/arguments

  • Decisions about getting married, having children, or moving in together

Sexual Problems for Couples

If you or your partner are dissatisfied sexually, there is often room for deepening the conversation in session to ultimately improve the quality of your sex life. Sometimes the lack of sexual connection may be the result of other problems in the relationship. Other times, you and your partner might be getting along great in all other respects, but simply have a difficult time connecting sexually. Couples therapy provides an opportunity to take stock of both you and your partner’s needs, and to see if there are any challenging emotional patterns that are getting in the way. Many of us have been shamed around sex, and there are so many cultural taboos with respect to sex. In my office, an open conversation free of taboo is welcome. My role in helping with sexual problems is to assess the situation as best I can, then help facilitate a constructive conversation between you and your partner to start improving things.

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