My clients and I have been spending A LOT of time lately talking about the personal and societal impacts of COVID-19. Not only does everyone’s health and lives feel threatened, we’ve also collectively chosen to limit our life options. It’s not as simple as “we can’t go out”, everything from our jobs to our dating lives to our day-to-day lifestyle has been affected. Frustration, fear, and depression are on the rise. Be easy on yourself if these sorts of feelings arise, and take this time as an opportunity. Below I’ve outlined some healthy approaches available to you during this crisis.
A PERSPECTIVE: OPPORTUNITIES WITHIN LIMITATIONs
For most of us, we feel limited in our ability to enjoy our lives in all of the ways that we’re used to. Common public places like restaurants and movie theaters are shut down. Most of us are having to spend the majority of our time at home. And unfortunately, economic/work opportunities are sparser than before as well. Looking at things at face value, we simply have fewer opportunities than we did before.
Alexander Graham Bell wisely said, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” With this wisdom in mind, where are you choosing to focus your attention - on the closed doors behind you or the open ones in front of you? Maybe you can take this time to read a book you’ve never tackled, to do lots of push-ups and sit-ups, or to commit to meditating every day. Or you could clean your house, focus on a new craft, or call up some old friends. It’s ultimately up to you, but use this time as an opportunity to check in with yourself; consistently ask yourself, “How do I want to best make use of this time?”
How to Manage The Anxiety
I find myself frequently normalizing my clients’ anxiety during this time. Yes, a lot of people are feeling anxious. Yes, you are not alone. We are all facing the unknown together. Or perhaps we’re just more aware of the unknown that has always been there anyway. Some people are getting sick or having people they know get sick. Some of my clients have been laid off from work. There’s understandably less of a sense of security.
So, how do you cope with the unknown? For many, finding a routine or structure is helpful. Focusing on gratitude for what one already has helps too. And on a deeper level, see if you can get more and more comfortable with the unknown. Try a meditation where you relax with your body and breath, bringing a sense of acceptance to all that’s in your awareness, and extend that acceptance to all that is unknown to you. This is a period of time where your fears are likely to come up. What you’re scared of often has something to teach you. As you accept what’s happening, and simply allow yourself to feel the fear, you may find the emotion shifting. You may find that on the other side of fear is acceptance, love, and transcendence.
How to Date During Quarantine
There’s a good chance that during this time you’re feeling lonely or horny (or both). You may want your immediate needs to be met or you may have long-term partnership goals yet not fulfilled. So if you’re looking for connection and affection for the short or long-term, how do you safely search when you’re supposed to stay inside and it might not be wise to touch a beautiful stranger?
Technology is indeed your friend. For many people, texts, calls, and FaceTime is not nearly as fun as IRL, but take it as an opportunity to slow things down. You’ll be surprised by what you might be able to slowly build through words, photos, voices, and videos. And perhaps this will even allow erotic tension to build until the point that you’re more excited to meet someone than you previously would have. Have fun and be safe!
Being Quarantined with Others
Whether you have a family you live with, a partner, or roommates, you may find yourself spending a bit more time with these people than normal. There’s a chance to get closer, and an opportunity to seriously trigger one another. Regardless of what’s happening, see this as a time to learn something about yourself.
Human beings thrive on both connection and space. So, when there’s less space from others, how do you respond? You might find yourself more annoyed by the people you live with, or maybe there’s an opportunity to spend some quality time and feel closer. Your best chance of smoothly navigating and enjoying these difficult times while living with other people is to stay attuned to everyone’s needs (including your own). If you bring awareness, compassion, and care to the needs of all of the people in your home, you’ll have the best chance at effectively supporting the well-being and happiness of everyone.
If you feel like getting closer to the person(s) you live with, a combination of conversation and bonding activities are helpful. Don’t be afraid to share what you’re really thinking and feeling. Spend some time together cooking, playing a board game, or some other activity you both like. This is temporary; there’s an opportunity for bonding, and hopefully there’s also an end in sight.
COPING WITH LONELINESS
Maybe you’re living alone or feeling isolated during this time. The emotion of loneliness might creep in. So, how do you cope with this feeling? When we’re feeling lonely we long for a sense of connection, and there are a multitude of ways to feel more connected. Here are some suggestions of things you can do to help:
Meditation can help you feel connected by giving you an experience of universal connection or transcendence. Take as little as five minutes to do the following practice: Focus your attention on your body and breath, allowing yourself to relax. Gently notice thoughts, feelings, and sensations without trying to fix anything. Then expand your awareness outwards imagining the city you live in, the people you love, the earth, the solar system, the universe, etc. After doing this practice, you may find yourself feeling less lonely.
Reach out to someone. Others are in isolation and likely feeling lonely too. Ask to connect with others via phone or video call when it feels right.
Do something fun and/or meaningful. When we’re engaged in work, a creative pursuit, or a fun activity, we can feel connected to something bigger than ourselves. Whether you’re doing a project for your 9-5 job, going for a run, or writing a poem, find things to do that feel authentic to you.
Thinking about the impact you can make
If you’re not a front-line nurse, a producer of medical masks, or a scientist looking for a vaccine, you may be wondering what you can do to help during the COVID-19 crisis. Remember that you’re both an individual who needs to take care of yourself as well as a member of a larger community. Take this as an opportunity to contemplate where you want to dedicate your energy and resources. Even if you’re not directly involved in helping the crisis, you may find that putting in good effort to support and take care of yourself, friends, family, and/or coworkers is enough for you.
How will this affect your future?
On a personal level, you may be wondering how this crisis could affect your job prospects, dating life, and opportunities to travel. You may also be wondering how the world may change. We are all operating in the realm of the unknown. Prepare yourself for the possibility that societal and cultural norms may change drastically.
How much news/media do you want to consume?
Many of us want to constantly be checking our Facebook News Feeds or watching cable news. Perhaps you find it valuable and meaningful to be informed. And, be careful about how all of this input is affecting you emotionally and psychologically. Check in with yourself regularly and to get a sense of what it is you most need at any given moment.
