If you experience social anxiety, you aren’t alone. In fact, over 12% of U.S. adults experience the effects of social anxiety disorder at some point in their life. While that may not seem like a large percentage, it’s close to 40 million Americans. But you can learn to have more ease in connection with others. Continue reading to learn more about social anxiety, why it happens, and how to overcome social anxiety in the moment.
What is Social Anxiety?
Experiencing some level of anxiety in certain social situations is very common. Your heart racing as you’re about to meet someone for a first date. Your palms getting sweaty during a job interview. Your stomach turning as you stand up to give a presentation at work. Most of us feel nervous in these moments. However, someone who lives with social anxiety disorder experiences these feelings and reactions in most, if not all, social situations.
For some, social anxiety doesn’t just occur when meeting new people or experiencing a new social situation. Even spending time with friends and family can evoke social anxiety because you’re so worried about what others think of you. When the intense feelings of nervousness or fear of judgment stop you from interacting with others or doing important things in life, it becomes extremely limiting.
Can You Overcome Social Anxiety?
If you experience social anxiety during the majority of social situations in your life, you’re probably wondering (and hoping) about ways to overcome it. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to become more comfortable and confident in social situations.
Long-term solutions to overcoming social anxiety include practicing meditation, journaling, and seeing a therapist who specializes in anxiety. A therapist can help you improve your friendships, romantic relationships, communication with family, and work connections. By identifying areas of concern and gaining the knowledge and tools available, you can reduce your anxiety and learn how to connect better with others.
6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety in the Moment
While seeing a therapist can help you overcome social anxiety long-term, when you’re experiencing symptoms in the moment, you need instant relief. Here are 6 things to try to overcome social anxiety fast.
1. Do Breathing Exercises
When you experience social anxiety, you may notice changes in your body. One of the most common changes is your breathing. What was once calm/deep breathing becomes fast/shallow breathing that may cause even more anxiety. Doing simple breathing exercises can help calm your nervous system and overcome social anxiety in the moment. Here’s an exercise to try:
Find a comfortable place to sit down – be sure to sit with a straight back.
Relax your shoulders.
Place one hand on your stomach and the other hand on your chest.
Breath in through your nose for 3-5 seconds. When you breathe, focus on inhaling the air into your diaphragm (your stomach) rather than your chest.
Hold your breath for a few seconds before slowly exhaling out of your mouth for 5-7 seconds.
Repeat this breathing cycle for 5-10 minutes or until you begin to feel your body and mind relax.
Slowly but surely your breathing will return to normal and your nervous system will calm down, enabling you to participate in a social situation with less anxiety.
2. Try Grounding Exercises
Grounding exercises are another way to overcome social anxiety in the moment. Similar to breathing exercises, they calm your nervous system. Grounding exercises also help your mind focus on something other than what is making you feel anxious or fearful.
One of the most common and effective grounding exercises to overcome social anxiety is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. Regardless of where you are or who you’re with, you can do this grounding exercise without anyone knowing. Simply do the following:
Out loud or in your head, name…
5 things you can see.
4 things you can feel.
3 things you can hear.
2 things you can smell.
1 thing you can taste.
By engaging all of your senses, you become present in the moment. This helps control and minimize negative thoughts while increasing feelings of safety and security.
3. Take a Moment for Yourself
While you can completely remove yourself from some stressful social situations, others may not provide the same freedom. For example, you can’t just leave work every time an important meeting causes you to feel anxious or fearful. Instead, it’s important to find ways to overcome social anxiety in the moment so you can participate in these important events.
Try taking a moment for yourself. For example, if you know your important work meeting is at 2:00 pm, plan to take a 10-minute break at 1:45 pm. Go for a walk and focus on something other than your feelings about the meeting. Rather than ignoring your anxiety or trying to repress it, accept your feelings without fixating on them. Remind yourself that the feelings will pass. You may even use this time to reframe the anxiety-producing situation as less threatening. Rather than entering a social situation and just hoping for the best, do what you can to prepare your mind and body for the experience. You may even try a breathing or grounding exercise during this time.
4. Set and Keep Boundaries
Knowing your limits – and respecting them – is extremely important when it comes to overcoming social anxiety. For example, if possible, don’t schedule a first date on the same day you have an important work meeting. Additionally, don’t feel obligated to accept social situations you’re uncomfortable with, especially on short notice. Knowing when to say no is important. Saying no will ensure that you don’t overwhelm yourself, while still accomplishing all that needs to be done.
5. Focus on Something (or Someone) Other than Yourself
When you’re in a social situation and your mind starts to run wild with negative thoughts, try shifting your attention to what’s going on around you rather than inside of you. While it’s important to acknowledge your feelings and accept them, when it comes to overcoming social anxiety fast, it might not be the best time for introspection. Instead, tune into a nearby conversation. Or, if you are with others in a social situation, practice good listening. Focus intently on what the other person is saying. This not only improves the relationship (people love to be heard), but it also helps take your mind off of your anxiety and allows your body to calm down.
6. Tell Yourself the Truth
Many of the thoughts that come into your mind during a stressful social situation aren’t true. You may think people can tell you’re uncomfortable. You may think people are judging you. You may think people don’t like you or aren’t having a good time. Often these thoughts aren’t true. Also, you may think the feelings you have are too intense and won’t pass. In moments like this, it’s important to remind yourself of what you know to be true.
Spend some time coming up with things you know to be true that you can tell yourself when you’re in a stressful social situation. It’s best to do this with a clear mind when you feel calm. Some ideas are…
“I know I feel anxious right now, but it will pass. It always does.”
“This feels uncomfortable, but I’m going to focus on the positives. [Name three positive things about the social situation.]”
“Instead of thinking about people focusing on me, I’m going to focus on other people to show I’m a good listener.”
The Journey to Overcoming Social Anxiety Starts Now
These six tips will help you overcome social anxiety in the moment. However, the journey to becoming more confident and comfortable in social situations starts with making a commitment. If you’re ready to do what it takes to manage your social anxiety and thrive in social situations, I’m here to help. You can learn more about how I help people just like you accept and move past their social anxiety and live fuller social lives here.